By: Dr. Harold Sala
29 July 2010
SO YOU KNOW WHAT LOVE IS, DO YOU?
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.
1 Corinthians 13:1-2
Of those who responded, 93% said they would not marry someone they did not love. What shocked me was the 7% who said they would! For money, security, or better connections they admitted that they would marry someone whom they did not love.
Love is a decision, a commitment to care--not simply an emotional state of mind caused by raging hormones. For the next few minutes, think about the following ten assumptions and then rate them as true or false.
1. The most important thing, when it comes to love and happiness, is picking the right partner. Answer: False. Picking the right partner is only one factor. Being the right partner is even more essential. Most problems in marriage are not with the other person but with yourself. Most people want the other person to change but are unwilling to bend themselves.
2. Few people agree on what love really is. Answer: False. A study of more than 1,000 young men and women demonstrates that love means the same thing to most of us.
3. Being intelligent is a handicap to love. Answer: False. Studies indicate that individuals with intelligence have a greater capacity to change and adapt to the circumstances of a relationship. In simple terms, they are secure enough that winning every argument is not that important.
4. Absence makes a heart grow fonder. Answer: False. The reality is that absence causes the heart to wander. Being together is vital to resolving differences and to growing more intimate with each other. Separation makes communication more difficult and a relationship more strained. Absence tends to foster romantic notions but in reality doesn't help a relationship to grow.
5. People who believe in romantic love are more apt to be emotionally unstable. Answer: False. Studies at a major university show that individuals with little sense of romance tend to be "rigid, inhibited individuals." But people who can enjoy a walk in the moonlight, or are willing to spend some money on perfume or flowers, are better adjusted and more willing to contribute to a relationship.
6. Men are more willing to let their heads rule their hearts than women are. Answer: False. The fact is that having said, "I do!" women are far more interested in material considerations such as a nice home and furniture, a good car, and social status.
7. The strong, silent male is more likely to be a great lover than the outgoing verbal one. Answer: False. The American Institute of Family Relations studies show that the fortunes of love "strongly influence the man who is most fluent in expressing his feelings. A ‘strong, silent’ disposition was found to be a definite handicap." The bottom line: the strong silent male is apt to have real trouble in expressing his love.
8. There are two periods of life--teen years and in your early 40s--when you are most apt to fall in love. Answer: True. For men, however, this occurs a bit later.
9. If you really love someone, success is pretty certain in marriage. Answer: False. Much more than love is necessary to make a marriage work. Love is only one of the ingredients.
10. To be happy in a loving relationship, you need to put your best foot forward. Answer: False. Being completely honest and vulnerable is vitally necessary if you are to know and really love the other person.
Resource reading: 1 Corinthians 13.
